There are things that are better left unsaid

I must admit that i must be really gullible in terms of being too honest, and having that complusive nature to blurt out feelings irregardless of the outcome.

Now, I feel that it is my fault that there is this chance that I would lose a dear friend just because I became honest and true to my feelings, like what Rana said. I should have waited and just forgot of that foolishness.

How did it actually came to that? Well, thinking waay before (around training days) i avoided to get closer to him since I was starting to feel that it was too weird that we're like parallel with all the things we both like, etc. We got along well, but after training we got dispatched to different teams and a year after, both of us ended up at ABAY (which was like a rehab for bad performing agents) we got closer, and at that time i learned that he's got some gender issues.

He got interviewed first of the Quality Assurance Analyst position for a new account, then he recommended me to the soon-to-be QA sup (who's going to handle us), so both of us got promoted and yes, we got closer to the extent that everyday (well, whenever we have the same shift) we hangout, eat, smoke, play guitar freaks, do some shopping, etc.

Then a week before he went to Bacolod i pursuaded him to go get a new polo for wardrobe's sake. I saw this really nice, black, longsleeved polo and asked him to try it on. It was a perfect fit. Then suddenly it occured to me, like it popped out of nowhere that I'm actually liking this guy already...

Also, he told me of this vivid dream of his with another guy, so there was a followup question i asked which was the path to the chain of thought from the dream which was "Did you ever did it with a guy?" Well, of course he will be hesitant of actually answering the question, but still he did. I was expecting to feel weird or something, well I did, but it was something positive out of it. I saw him through and that made me like him more.

Recently, Rana gave way to actually admitting this feeling to him and yes, as I've said, being gullible and such, I ended up telling him what I really felt about him, which by the way, as silly as it may seem...I am starting to feel that it is more than "liking" that person.

I don't really think I'm being pathetic on falling in love with him, with what he's done in the past, or what he is. He's nice, kind, gentlemanish and he's really easy to love. He's become one of my bestfriends, which by the way, I don't have that much friends in this lifetime because i've got issues socializing ever since...it's just that there's this thin line that binds us together as friends to being acquaintances or worse, strangers. And it's all my fault. Everytime i think of this it makes me cry every single time.

So maybe the previous post would be the answer to this, at least we get to talk but not that often, and maybe i'll also stop causing him confusion and I'll stop hurting.