I've never been so down in my life. We had the chance to talk about what's the real deal and that we decided to just keep the status quo between us. Nothing else.

On the verge of the happening, I asked a couple of people on how I would deal with this, but I still resorted on telling him what I really feel...which in fact makes me sad and happy at the same time. At least my burden's gone, and it's his turn of the story to fight this battle.

There are still some occasions that I do regret saying all of those things to him, but in fact, I still think that it's better said now than to linger on the blind faith I've had for this past few months.

I am still moving on, so is life. There's nothing different to it as to the other people I met, at least we're still very good friends (or so I hope that this remains) but quoting from what he said from the previous IM exchange:

"putting it all in time is lulling urself to a false sense of security"

Once again I let me be a victim of love. It's sad.

It's about time!

Well, the previous post was kind of dramatic, wasn't it? Haha. Well, life is kind of back to normal...well I guess I'm trying. I am almost quite sure that it's more of a confusion rather than a real feeling, but until now I am still thinking whether I am just convincing myself that it is or is it real.

Aside from mind boggling events, I find myself rearranging my perspective, and I think I might covert to a realist. There's nothing wrong being an idealist but it's just that I often find myself looking for direction in a surreal world which is in fact, doesn't lead me anywhere far from square one.

At least I arrived at finding a diversion of this feeling, which by the way I have disclosed to a real great adviser (and also after viewing this first and real core eps of Queer as Folk) I just realized that I am once again headed to one of those surreal worlds that the idealistic me produced. There's nothing more to it than friendship, and I have to accept it. Being as a friend, I will help him find happiness in whatever choice he'd make.