Christmas was worse as predicted. Almost all the elder people (like my aunt and uncle) was actually sarcastic and cold to me which is unusually weird, though I know why. (for splurging my bonus to buy a PS 2 unit) I don't give a damn.

I never expected my family will be like this, it is quite unfair that I am one of the sources for finances, and spent numerous times waking up at wee hours to get to work which by the way is unnerving: talking for almost 7++ hours to not-so-bright people, go home, be pleaded for 'load' money or 'gas' money along with 'dinner' and even 'breakfast' (for the next day) sleep, and go through the same routine every single damned day. And, the highlight for my grief is that my so-called father isn't working, my so-called mother single-handedly thinks that she suffers the most and generally whines all the time, and my sister with this unsaid war with my parents for her 'guild' and boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend, my brother who is bothered with his social life and physical looks instead of worrying about his future and my little bro having ADHD. And all the people who heard the story would think that we, my sister and I aren't doing enough. Yes, skipping lunch and walking half the way home to just save money isn't enough. Doing the same thing every day isn't enough.

My brain melts away because of lethargic to the point of stupor. Well, it's just not that. As for me, I just decided on the PS 2 purchase for the cause of having a diversion and investment on something that I have worked for. And maybe for self gratification to make up for the fact that I have no future, my goals and dreams are floating, and to think that I am lost. My range for opportunity is limited, and isn't it also depressing to see other people (e.g. classmates from highschool and college) to get a career going with the preference of their own? I strongly believe that there is a way out of this, and I am decided to take extreme measures.

I cannot allow my brothers to have the same fate that i have.

Christmas is hours from now. Honestly, i don't feel like celebrating but isn't it a bit weird because it is not my celebration to start with.. It has been a bitter and hard year for us, yet i don't feel like i am even worthy to complain about our fate because i feel that life is a blessing itself. even without the food, money and gifts it still remains the same.

Lucky lucky on raffles. I won again for the second time, and this time it's 500 bucks. (well there goes my prize) im gonna get me new titles for ps2! Wee!

I just remembered that before i did won, i was having a bad morning: not being dropped by my supah great dad (that's sarcasm)considering that it was raining cats and dogs; and my close rate was in the dumps (well, not really, thanks to held orders) I came out of the comfort room cubicle and headed out, and i learned that i won. Now that's a twist of fate.

Rewarding thirteenth month. a thin ed of PS 2 will suffice for all the hard work and money spent on other people.

*revised* After Office Schedule:
+ check out new game releases (via the ever reliable source in st.francis')
+ Go to starbucks, order whatever it takes to fill 'em stickers for planner (with coffee buds Rana & Neil)
+ Take a tryke home, change, turn on the console and scare my ass off with Fatal Frame 3. or swap game to NFS most wanted

what a boring life im still living. what to do, what to do
(there ain't no satisfaction)

I have been off the hook for quite some time now, anyway, i have been into anime (what's new?) and i'm currently collecting anime DVD's...and drooling over Howl.

Weeee I am so happy. though it is so ironic life is, yesterday i recieved 4 incident reports : 3 of which was for the same offense, and other for a different one. but good thing i got this Ditty from a raffle! Weeee

it's been a long day. i didn't know until today that my supervisor (aka mentor) resigned. *sigh* so i was left handling the team (which btw is just 3 pcs of people ^^)

i don't know if i should be happy, or sad...

tricky tricky life. if i knew that it would turn out like this, i should've known better. i don't think that this has to do with karma. do i deserve to be called a money grubbing biatch? i need a halleluia.

sad. but true. i miss a lot of things. and i have all the cause to disappear. maybe i am cursed.

ironic how life turned out to be. our supervisor didnt come to work again, and we presume too much. i, in the other hand had to be pulled out once again and do her job.

i am getting blisters on my toes and maybe i miss being a regular agent.

haven't slept for 48 hours now. i just have to finish the sh*t that is not worth not sleeping for. Demmet.

anyway, i'm spending time here burning calls and my eyelids are getting heavy.

i need something that will give me a jolt for life. i find myself daydreaming which is really obnoxious and that i drift out on thought in the middle of the job.

well, being back to the phones is really nervecracking. i should be molding minds with my puzzling teaching techniques and my so-called humor to boot. ah, i just remembered the dream of strangling someone when i think of that.

just out of a single day this month i missed my impromptu job interview. just one friggin' single day.

i feel like floating. i have no goals what-so-ever. if i were still studying i should be graduating next july or maybe this october if i haven't stopped. ah sweet sweet life.

can't let it rest until it has been fixed. my so-called sup once again did not do her job so i am left having only the same salary with low wage workers who doesn't burn their throats out talking with idiots for eight hours.

indecency proceeds me. and i can't help it. people here are getting coupled up, and they deny their relationships to their friends. which is terribly sad. as for the indecency, it's all in my head. weird shit. i hate it.

time flies so fast. i thought it was just a week since i have posted here, but whatever right?

life i am actually training or conditioning myself since i am to apply for a higher position here at work. i cannot possibly stay being an sales rep for ten months. wait, i've been working for ten months? damn.

anyway, i find myself adhering to attendance which is weird... been really itching to be absent but everytime i think of being useless at home makes me sick. so off to the office i go.

I haven't written much here for quite some time now. days just seem to fly by and i find myself sleeping half of the day.

hobbies are actually boring as well. currently into this game from the original playstation console called Harvest Moon, and designing shirts for a sports-related line of clothing. ah, so boring.

later, planning to go places, but unfortunately seems that i am once again gonna spend the whole eve at work, as usual.

it's still raining and i like it. today was really not the busy compared to the other days for us. like now as i am writing this i am available (or my status is) so it is an opportunity to write about my so-called life here.

today planning to treat parents out in the nearby mall for their anniversary (which is really cool and at the same time weird because it is them that should be going out on their own, but anyway...)

considering the past events, i am out of school for exactly 3 semesters now. I was actually planning to get my art and design materials from the locker at school but apparently it is raining and as i've said earlier we're going out with the whole family. it is quite a shock gradually to realize and see that everything that i have been working hard for three years will be just wasted because of unending search for treasure that doesn't even exist.

updates happy, still. and grateful. through our "mentor" now our supervisor, i got an extra source of income and it is related to the degree that i am supposed to be getting. i was to design shirts for a men's line of clothing, and that also they are going to have a sit down to discuss the "figures". i was also to design the website for the company as well. (nice...)

i was staring out from the window from my station in the eleventh floor weird enough i found myself reminiscing elementary days when i was still studying at St Paul's in Pasig and they have this big big compound where i really really like to explore. i was just given a chance to inspect almost every inch of the school grounds because i waited for my big sis' dismissal (which was 3:30) and i had a half day schedule then... it just feels good then to hangout in the library with the mix of smell from the old books and the rain's dew outside (airconditioning wasn't popular then) it's just one of these days when memories like that reruns. i like it.

hmm, thinking of memories lost, well i started to believe that there was something wrong with me because i kept on forgetting details from the past and i really found that so disturbing. Like for an example, like gatherings and important events like promenades and reunions. I would need someone to give me detailed story. ah what the hell.

petix day as we call it. it is a really slow slow day, no calls, no sales. *sigh* browsing over other blogs and found postsecret (http://postsecret.blospot.com) . nice blog. very interesting.

One blurry day, this must be. I snapped my glasses (which by the way, isn't a year old yet) in attempt to fit my stuff in a small bag, it gave itself up. so now, i am left to process orders as if i just woke up, and everything really fuzzy.

last week (or stuff i failed to post):
i noticed that all i posted was test results, because i had no time to post excerpts from my boring life. maybe i am boring myself so that's how i live. (that's totally confusing) considering that i have enough money to buy stuff (well generally anything) but i just think that material stuff ain't gonna do anything to make me "happy".
bought DVD's which we were looking for (finally) Jurrasic Park I. I was so glad i found a copy and that it works. (ooh what a loser)

Ah geezus i detest my thoughts right now. All i think is the reality : i am a OSY. Bye bye Ducati.

my soul is broken.

You are living through a lot of pain everyday.that you have to deal with, which is making you sorrowful. No one ever stays by your side when you truly need them and no one ever will. Everything is hopeless and tragic and you keep yearning for the day you will be free from pain. Love is unlikely to happen to you because you isolate yourself and are suspicious of peoples motives. You stand in the shadows of the world, watching what you can never have.
The bruises you carry never seems to heal, your mind is dark and no one seems to understand or wants to help. As always, you will be alone in the world, fighting your dark thoughts by yourself.

How is your soul? brought to me by Quizilla

fette of few minutes

after a year from the annual event, i decided to go fette de la musique last night with jr and found old batch mates there (which made me really happy ^-^) how i miss those guys...

as for my other buddies, we originally planned to meet there (and spend four hours, until my shift starts) but apparently, seems that we end up going home in pairs. (like teddies and b1 & b2) jr found it absurd to go there and not stay for the event (maybe for around 30 minutes chatting with jade and theresa); my mom found it weird, and my sis found it hysterical (and told me "i thought so") ah whatever.

now i am totally bored and wished my dad went home today to celebrate the father's day.

another test

You are the warrior anime girl.You are the type that can start a fight and win.You are very strong and can beat anyone up (but just don't ^_~) and some people can be afraid of you but alot of people admire your strength and want to be just like you well the people that want to fight.You can defend yourself very easily and can probably handle some kind of weapon.You have a short temper(like me)and get angry easily but you can be really nice at times ^_^and once a fighter always a fighter.

If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?
brought to you by Quizzila

I was just curious how bad i am. and guess what, i re-took this test again. holy crap.


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

You've made a yellow Lightsaber. Yellow is the color of Honor and Loyalty. It symbolizes caution and foreboding in either direction of the blade, Meaning that the owner is relatively cautious...but also to be cautious of them. Since Yellow stands for both Honor and Cowardice, Once should always think twice before attacking someone with a Yellow
Saber.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

of bread and butter

my two bro's are gonna be enrolling soon, and apparently i need money to support them. well, i assigned myself ot provide the monetary funds for school supplies. goodbye Blueberry Blast.

office matters: tomorrow im gonna try my luck in applying for other outsource-related centers. i will much miss my comrades here but my priority in working is to gain money, and this job is exhausting, but we're not getting much. besides, they've alreayd broken every labor and employment laws there is. (for one thing i haven't signed any contract yet)

*sigh* will there ever be a time when people aren't causing me headaches? geezus.

birthday blues

im just from the office knowing that there is work today, which is weird. we were sent home, and we ended up here in a computer shop.

anyway, for the events last saturday: i started my so-called birthday at home, and self-proclaimed holiday for me (go figure) and my office amigos were looking for the 2nd bday girl (i was sharing the day with a team mate) and spent half the day sleeping, woke up at noon, bought the delicious Palabok from Aling Tonang's Pancit Palabok and dropped it at the stations for them to feast on, while we drove to the grocery to buy more ingredients for the peach pie which is my sis' bday present. didn't helped out with housework... its my day!

later that day, sweet and charity went to spend the night, and we planned to go out as usual but unfortunately sis has to work the next day, so we dint push through with the original plan. charity then had a bright idea to just go the mall and watch the Star Wars flick (ooh yeah, hayden) and catch the last full show. we debated whom should take a bath first, and apparently we saw that it was too late (about 11) so just dialled pizza delivery and ate while watching Mean Girls.

my body clock is shutting down so i slept earlier than my guests. woke up at 11 am, planned to go the mall to watch the movie and then do the usual strolling in the mall. as expected we were once again late. we left home at 3:30 pm, arrived there at 4:00. just had my feet ache from walking. went home at 7 pm for the mass...and arrived there late.

now that's a lousy way to spend your 20th bday.

wow. so i do sound bored with my life. nah. it's too early on thinking of ending it. yikes. now im starting to think THAT. geezus.

birthday bash i am confused if i'd do the traditional night out or pig out at Saisaki's... well they both require money to be spent so maybe i'll just ice skate. (now that's confusing) hmm, i also wanna make things better for my lil bro because he didn't get to enjoy the experiences me, my sis and i had when we were his age. still, no clue.

work shwork better better sold goodies today to good people. happy with stats and maybe brought hope on keeping this job. had a DELLAPALOOZA earlier and got goodies from affliated companies with Dell... and crossed fingers to get the Big TV giveaway but to my dismay it was fated for a different person. oh well.

why i am losing "touch"... i don't know how to draw, any creative aptitude went out the window.

so apparently i am turning into a loser. waah

today spoke with a filipina in hawaii, and she was really so decided that her residing country is much much better than the Philippines. she even asked me how can i sell US related products if i haven't been into the states? geezus. and she also told me that i have quite an accent like hers. uh huh. and my brother that is entering third grade talks so much better than her. biatch. (boiling blood) she went there 25 years ago... and she speaks as if she was imported via the made to order bride from the northern luzon yesterday.

damn.

make mine a decaf

i don't really know why I always complain here. Like i am getting any results... shoot, like on the last entry i was complaining about my job, now i realize that it's really not worth it.

bday blast: like i am really planning and looking forward to it. tch. next topic, please.

there ain't any. from office i am going home and sleep all day, until i wake up and find myself following the same routine. i think i can even go places without waking up.

hmm, i find myself tired all the damn time. is this what they call depression?

i am left with out a choice if i wanted to go back to school... the treks to the mall are starting to get me bored and the much anticipated event still stays as a blank. so what will i do next saturday? is another year worth celebrating?
i just wish i can just break free from this dull everyday activities. it sucks bigtime... the job is good, the payout is bad. very bad. *wishing to get pirated*

what the heck, thinking of a title here makes my mind tired and sleepy. Maybe it's because naturally my biological clock should be shut down at this time, not making an entry on this blog.

i know, i know... i don't seemed thrilled to get online and put the latest buzz in bytes for you folks to read. it's just that i find myself a perfect definition of procrastination, i believing that I am bound to have a life this boring.

recently: scanning through the titles of DVD's around the busy mrt station from work to find a source of output for boredom and catch up with movie-related talks in the workplace... anime titles are of usual priority (so what's new?) i also found out that pizza doesn't really taste that good if you have it as an almost everyday intake...

found: pictures of newly born kid from a person from my not-so-recent crap. oh wow. *LOL* (remembered, i actually had a conversation with him last week, and shooed him off which really really felt so damn good) it just embodies the old saying that goes "you get what you deserve" *evil grin (heh)*

Also a quote: Let those deplore their doom, Whose hope still grovels in this dark sojourn: But lofty souls, who look beyond the tomb, Can smile at Fate, and wonder how they mourn.
- Author: James Beattie, The Minstrel

ooh, am i turning into a loser? Noooo....

luck charm

Oh wow. I am really out of luck. Hier: melting in another person's home yesterday. recieved money from my godfather that was lost for around 10 years Aujourd'hui: sinking on stats, 10 % close rate... why am i still here? also been looking at sources that makes me less believe of the product i am selling.

long awaited utter

a while has passed since i have been able to update anything here. boring life, nothing to report actually.

been finding myself enjoying the company of the consoles at home, hah, to give me consolation (boo) and maybe, a piece of slack.

ahh hell. life resembles the flintstone's background... indulging in oldies with shirley temple and arabian nights.

hmm... a caramel sundae is not bad either.
............................................................................................................

what i skipped for a month:
*groundbreaking news, we lost our beloved supervisor for unknown reasons, and will remain a mystery until the end of time.
*financial status unavailable at this time.
*going under romance.. seeking for diversion.
*finding out that i have a stockpile of wall putty and craft wires. ^idea!
*getaway with Paul Van Dyke to London and learn the Politics of Dancing

runaway

I am surprised that i still am sane today, to think that i have numerous of problems both here in the office and at home, and some emotional stuff people don't really care about.

Well, as of the moment i can't wait to go back to school. maybe I am getting tired.

a part of me risen

So i was actually kidding with the fact that i will kill that inner voice that commands me to do against my will. it's not that i am crazy, but honestly, i'm just doing this for fun.

Life still does go on, crazily most of the time, annoying at some, but fun often.

Is it?

This day is just the same as any day. I have been having weird dreams (not to mention disturbing ones) and i feel as if, as usual, strongly about the facts of the mere dream. It's actually the second time that i have dreamt of the same person, and i really do avoid day dreaming(because it is pathetic, i know) Hmm, the whole team does still feel the havoc my whacky sup did last saturday. The weirdest thing aboutit is that he can't remember anything about it.

Song of the Day

And you don't seem to understand
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing

I am falling, I am fading
I have lost it all
And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame then I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
and you know I don't mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing

I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning
Help me to breathe
I am hurting, I have lost it all
I am losing
Help me to breathe

start strong

it's really helpful. i mean, we have been using that for like, weeks now... and it is just now that i have seen the essence of this line. I don't know why, but i was really determined to get my fight back and work smarter this week and cope with my stats from last week's "hell week".

so anyway, i better get back to work. (and i am also planning to play for four hours of MU Online later!)

im going extinct

wow. so i was once in 5th, 3rd and now i'm at 14. I bet i'll be in 25th or worse next time i see the stats. wow. i am so in trouble.

anyway, i guess all i can do is hope for the best. I am sure that i can do better the next time i'll be working although it is so damn hard now that "IR King" is back to wreck havoc in our momentarily peaceful office. goodbye cubicle. bye team.

faith or fate?

I really don't know why I have this much omen since last week in selling stuff. I need to save up for my PS2 and be happy and satisfied with it. Oh man... I am having this feeling that I have to stuggle with it up to the last day. I just have to establish the numbers and keep 'em there for the longest time.

I don't know what I should do to correct these. Ahh... maybe I should go and actually "believe" this time. I don't really know why I struggle this much thinking that I was doing good when I had an IR.

one of the worst days ever

seems that this day became one of those bad days. darn it all my stats stinks like hell and that i feel that one of my good friends here at work are sorta irritated at me. what can be really worse?

ah, i need salvation once again. i bet next week i'll get reprimanded (or something) because of my bad stats. goodbye PS 2.

if you want things to be done

You have to do it yourself, right? yep, that applies to me. i really hate it when i am left with the choice of relying to other people to do something for me, and this time it really ticked me off.

ahh never again.

I need luck

actually i need salvation more than luck. well, for starters, i am just happy that i get to keep this job, but as of the moment, the only thing that I can think of is literally "keeping" it until april. I don't have anything to do until I start to go to school again...so basically i'll either be a bum or save up until i started studying again. oh well, i am actually starting to not like school. i like the crowd here better. i love my team, i like the people in it, and maybe i am strating to like talking to people more.

ah, another level up for experience points. ^_^

to infinity and beyond

I was just faced with the fact that the only thing constant in this world is change. Yes, even here at the office. Argh, maybe i am just worried about my job because I am starting to like it here, and then what? I'm gonna leave. Yep, I recieved my first IR (stands for Incident Report, hmm, just wondering what incident I have possibly caused) anyway, it is more of a goal hitting standard that I have to keep for one whole week.

So yesterday got me worried for we lost a team member, to think that he was once amongst the greatest ones there was...and I feel that we're going to start leaving one by one. Soon.

Sad isn't it? I think someone is power-tripping here.

idleness in workplace

what to do huh? it's really weird, especially that i am here at the office and there's no clients to talk to. so basically we're in idle mode. since we are like this, better be doing anything than thinking of evil and bad thoughts.

okay, so it's the new year. it's been helluva year for me, and i must say that it has been a very productive one. spent it on our granny's place in the province, and as usual it was boring.

aw hell, i think i'll write down more bad stuff here so might as well stop. ^_^