Christmas was worse as predicted. Almost all the elder people (like my aunt and uncle) was actually sarcastic and cold to me which is unusually weird, though I know why. (for splurging my bonus to buy a PS 2 unit) I don't give a damn.

I never expected my family will be like this, it is quite unfair that I am one of the sources for finances, and spent numerous times waking up at wee hours to get to work which by the way is unnerving: talking for almost 7++ hours to not-so-bright people, go home, be pleaded for 'load' money or 'gas' money along with 'dinner' and even 'breakfast' (for the next day) sleep, and go through the same routine every single damned day. And, the highlight for my grief is that my so-called father isn't working, my so-called mother single-handedly thinks that she suffers the most and generally whines all the time, and my sister with this unsaid war with my parents for her 'guild' and boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend, my brother who is bothered with his social life and physical looks instead of worrying about his future and my little bro having ADHD. And all the people who heard the story would think that we, my sister and I aren't doing enough. Yes, skipping lunch and walking half the way home to just save money isn't enough. Doing the same thing every day isn't enough.

My brain melts away because of lethargic to the point of stupor. Well, it's just not that. As for me, I just decided on the PS 2 purchase for the cause of having a diversion and investment on something that I have worked for. And maybe for self gratification to make up for the fact that I have no future, my goals and dreams are floating, and to think that I am lost. My range for opportunity is limited, and isn't it also depressing to see other people (e.g. classmates from highschool and college) to get a career going with the preference of their own? I strongly believe that there is a way out of this, and I am decided to take extreme measures.

I cannot allow my brothers to have the same fate that i have.